Cute Things Dying Violently released for Windows
Posted by Alex Jordan on
Cute Things Dying Violently: "The Violent Change America Needs"
My fellow Americans (and incidental non-Americans), it is high time that I announce that Cute Things Dying Violently has been released on Windows and is running for President of Indie Games Released on July 17 That Coincidentally Start with the Letter C.
(Pause for cheering)
These are difficult times. Jobs are scarce, terrorism still looms large, and the nation's strategic reserve of Cute Things has tragically remained untouched for many years. But that all changes today! Today, I give you hope. I give you pride. I give you fire, buzzsaws, and some psychotic messed up robot with a bucket on its head that misquotes Lady Gaga. I give you change. Violent change. Ruthless, kicking-and-screaming change.
Now, my esteemed opponent, Senator Fatass McWaddle-plop, will argue that we do not need this change, that we can't even afford it. And to him, I say: how can we not afford it? This nation desperately craves the sight of Cute Things impaled on spikes or electrocuted in midair, their blackened skulls hissing acrid smoke. And I intend to give them these sights, while conducting an honorable, civilized, and issues-oriented campaign. Plus, the good Senator is a mailbox-raping alcoholic that wraps bunnies in American flags and sets them on fire with French cigarettes. Just saying.
My fellow Americans, this July, you'll have a choice. A choice between doing things the old way (which will end in your imminent death because terrorists and e coli-infected lettuce are coming to kill you and your children), and the new way, the right way, wherein you kill millions of Cute Things and are successfully distracted from far more important issues that - let's face it - I do not have a prayer in hellof solving.
This July, elect Cute Things. Elect them for America.
(Paid for by the ApathyWorks Super PAC*)
*Pulverize All Critters